A VIP Trip To Marbella....

So having booked some cheap tickets before I lost my job (for the second time, yawn) I was off to Marbella (city of little culture) with Miss Cupcake and her family.  And by family I dont just mean Dale and their daughter, I mean the whole family and my previous boss!  Was nice to have something to look forward to..

Before the holiday had even started Miss Cupcake's dad said to me "You will be good?" to which I raised an eyebrow, he knew I was a 'good girl!' he responded to my eyebrow with: "well after the wedding I know what you get up to at our family events!" had to give it to him! It made me blush!

Whilst the whole holiday was fun and entertaining (it was a family holiday and children were present so apart from learning what they term Eye- F*%£ing meant when Dale decided to tell me that people were doing it to me) the entertainment began on my way home (sorry Miss Cupcake, but I think my readers are looking for more than eating ice cream!)...

I had decided to fly home a couple of days earlier than the others as I had a few things to do and I thought it would give them some family time, so Miss Cupcake's dad dropped me to the airport.  I've flown alone many times before but this time was different, for a start I had the words of Miss Handsome in my head saying.... "I don't mind flying with you because if we crash and die it's ok because I will die with someone I love"  so I'm thinking "great, if this big bird goes down, I'm going to die alone with strangers who I don't love!"...  Also when I got dropped off at the recently refurbished Malaga airport, I was at the wrong door...

I'm a woman who very rarely wears flat shoes.  At 5ft 3 (and a half) inches I just feel more at ease around my 5ft 10inch friends (excluding Miss Cupcake who is around the same height as me!) when I am wearing heels.  I have become so accustomed to heels that if I ever wear flat shoes everyone comments - that is how rare the occasion is.  I even sent a tweet out once!

... Anyway, I'm wearing 5 inch heels and I have to walk around a mile to get to where I'm actually supposed to be to check in for my flight.  The place was absolutely massive and not exactly sign posted well so the navigation (despite a geography degree) was a mission!  And I was honestly panicked that I wouldn't catch my flight!  After the mile walk and check in, I have to walk back a mile to go through security.  This is more excercise than I have been exposed to (excluding sex) for the last five years!)

I ended up sitting on one of those long rows of metal seats that all airports have (why don't they cushion them? my bum was numb!) talking to a guy and it turned out that he was catching the same flight that I was, so after a lot more (excruciatingly boring) talk about absolutely nothing, we walked to the gate.  Now, I was flying with a budget airline, so there was no special seats, extra legroom or booking of the seats, so we ended up sitting with each other.. me on the aisle (I watch far too much National Geographic and Air Crash Investigation, so I know that I want to be able to leave the aeroplane at my nearest exit!)  We continue our conversation across the empty seat between us when Charlie comes and requests the empty seat.

I realise after approximately 9 seconds that Charlie is trollied!  Well this is just going to be interesting.  The guy who I had been talking to in the airport was made completely redundant by Charlie's back.  The plane took off and for about 20 mins Charlie was really funny and quite good to talk to... Then I realised that he was not going to shut up the entire flight and 4 and a half hours of drunk talk is a lot for a completely sober person!  Oh well, if you can't beat them join them right?!  When the stewardess came round I ordered a glass of red.  Charlie (unsurprisingly) interrupted and ordered 2 glasses for me and paid for mine along with his 2 gin and tonics.  We were laughing quite loudly for a late night flight and as I was in a red wine haze I only now remember just how quiet the plane was, except for mine and Charlies drunk banter.  Oops!  Quite near the end of the flight a woman strolls up the aisle and stands directly next to my seat where she literally just stares at me....

The few seconds she was staring at me seemed to go on forever because I did not have a clue what she was doing.  Then she piped up and said "Charlie, was are you doing flirting with this cheap little hussy?"  Well, I did not know what to say... Clearly not giving off my best nice girl impression.  But hussy, really?!  Charlie piped up "This is Missi, chill woman" she sloped off and I felt a bit bad for her despite the fact she had called me that demeaning word... Cheap.  Pfffttt.

On landing I said goodbye to Charlie and guy from the airport and swiftly made my way to baggage claim in order to get out of there and home whilst still standing and without causing damage to myself or others (because I was a bit pissed and not up for a bitch slap from Charlie's wife!)  I got to baggage claim and stood for ages.  Why is my bag, no matter what the size always one of the last ones to come off the conveyor belt?!  I eventually saw it come out of the little tunnel and made an attempt to get it off the conveyor belt... My seven stone frame was not built to lift anything other than a glass of wine to my mouth.  So without thinking I kept hold of the handle and followed the bag around the conveyor belt.  If I was watching me, I would have actually laughed out loud.  So I am following the case around and probably got to around a quarter of the way and realised that people must see me struggling yet nobody offered to help.  So male chivalry is definitely not on the menu.  A little further around the conveyor belt and a hand grabs my bag... my hand is still holding on, clearly not thinking!  As I turn with the bag I see that it is Charlie who has come to rescue me from my conveyor belt walk of shame.  I look a little further and see the look of death on the face of his wife.  Oh not this again.  I thank Charlie as his wife walks off in dismay.  I said to him that I had to make a swift exit as I was dying for a cigarette after the 8 hours of airport and plane.  He said to wait up and he would come out too.  Goodness I couldn't shake him off.  How is it possible for me to make such a good and bad impression at the same time to two people?!  Smoking, Charlie's wife comes over and rants that he has to get in their taxi now.  We had literally just lit up, and if someone had said that to me I definitely would not be happy and thinking "Fuck Off"... that is what Charlie said.  I smoked very quickly, feeling both in the middle and the cause of a domestic between man and wife, and said goodbye and left. 

Not looking back but looking for my friend Blondie, I strut along the length of the airport (still in 5 inch heels I might add) and I can't see her anywhere or get hold of her on the phone.  Damn it.  A few seconds of panicking later she calls me.  She is at the other end of the airport.  It's a one way system and she can't turn around, so for the third time in 8 hours I walked the length of the airport to her car.  Her partner is also in the car with her and I relay the whole journey to them...