When The S**t Hit The Fan...

I knew what was coming as soon as the dreaded words were out... "Missi sit down, I've got something to tell you."  I shouldn't have known what He was going to say, but I did.  Immediately.  Following being told by Him that he has fathered an illegitamate child with one of his employees, I remember the words "I hope you die a slow painful death and rot in hell" although I am not entirely sure whether I said these or just thought them.  Either way it was all very dignified... no shouting, no screaming, no crying. I just got up walked out of his flat, got into the Mini and drove back to my parents house.

I didn't say anything to anyone for 2 and a half weeks, I just carried on, get up, go to work, come home from work, do some uni work, go to bed.  Until sitting around the dinner table, my dad says "is He coming over for Christmas?!"... I ran from the dining room table and cried more water than the Atlantic Ocean.  That was one of two occasions when I cried and showed emotion about the situation.

A few days later was Christmas Eve and I was at work when the boss calls me into the office.  I must have been having a psychic month that month because once again before anything was said I knew what was coming.  Redundancies were happening due to spending cuts, and as a result of having a non-statutory position I was being given the chop.  Two chops in the space of 3 weeks, wow this christmas is gonna be amazing (Although as I later found out, it would take 3 more months to officially be told I would be made redundant.)

After battling Christmas I reached New Year.  Oh great.  My best friend (Miss Cupcake) said she would venture out with me into our local town whilst her partner Dale looked after their baby.  It so happened that they did spend New Year together as the buzz of going out never really sank in and we were home by 11.  So sat in front of BBC1 at midnight the fireworks start going off, we all say happy new year and I ventured home.

So the two occasions I was most dreading were out of the way and they really weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be.  No honestly, I didn't fall apart, I didn't cry I just felt a bit crap.  I could handle a bit crap.  It was what came next and what is still happening that I have found the hardest.  Moving on.  Dating.  Finding a job. Dating.  Moving on.  Dating.  Finding a job.  And so on.  Although I have now got systems for all three of these.  They do not work in any shape or form, but they are there and I am making an effort!